There are quite a few things that give me anxiety, from mild discomfort to full blown panic attacks. One of those things is the pervasive fear of aging and dying. Normally I can ignore that it happens, but other times I will suddenly NOTICE that time is passing far too quickly and it makes me very anxious. This tends to happen around important birthdays (mine, my daughter’s, my parents/grandparents, and occasionally my cousins).
According to my therapist, my fear of aging and dying is one of the most logical phobias in my arsenal. But I can’t help but feel like it is holding me back. I am unable to think too far in advance without getting tremors. The concept of writing up a will makes me want to vomit violently for hours. Even just typing this is making my stomach tie into knots.
I wrote the above 2 paragraphs in July of 2013. It is now January 2014. I hate this about myself. Looking to the future is a bucket full of terror and anxiety, and I want to feel less held back by this. I just don’t know how.